Vices (Raw Cut)

My mother left me
At the tender age of three
Her life taken so unceremoniously
A soldier’s death, empty
Like the clip in her SMG
And dad wasn’t around, I guess
He drowned himself in vices, yes
Demon on two shoulders, no presence of halo
Somehow he still came home everyday though
I remember days when he would smile
And my happiness would echo for miles
But, shadows always hang over our lives,
Darkness, manifested in his protective lies
Cut my conscience deeper than knives
Those needles, you weren’t sick
White powder, don’t lie,
It’s that cocaine shit
But it’s okay,
Daddy had the bills paid
My Adonis smoking chronic
And tears mixing with Gin and Tonic
His demons now my demons
Inherited, I came from his semen
And he wouldn’t save me
Saving lives only postpones death see
So my elevated research high
Using acid to raise my knowledge
Higher
Daddy paid the bills, and daddy also popped pills
But I had no mommy to hold me up
Women. he had no shortage
He told me once
Ms. Straight Black hair, brown eyes, and hourglass figure
Was mommy reincarnated
Revival of her memory, cremated
Belief and hope
Could she hold me up?
Nope
But I needed to be up, higher
Hello weed stacks
Should I have stayed young for another minute
Weed, pills, LSD
Should I question, if I ever push the limit
I’m just misedeucated according to Ms. Hill
You cant change a person if you don’t have the will
Mentality, barely focused on legality
Congeniality, ha, I was on that fuck the world, reality
Was never nice
But when I was tripping acid
Every hand from behind the veil comforted me and my vice
I’m sick, that’s why I have these needles
I’m in pain, let me smoke this medicinal just a little
His pain, my pain, they’re both one and the same
My tears, his tears, they’re both in this little puddle here
At the base of an effigy of a life worth living
And we can burn that shit down soaked with our vices with little misgivings
Can’t I be alone in this world, wander
With no weight but sadness
Can you look at me and be glad this
Young man here, has lived one more year
Don’t judge with your eyes, my habits should cause no fear
Hypocritical, I understand my daddy now
You survived this life, not sure how
Mommy was gone, your wife, yeah I understand now
Why we both drift between infinity and oblivion
Carefully crafted boat sheltered by vices, two out of one million
But at my age now, the past I’ve moved past
Those thoughts in my head, no longer move as fast
Because I’ve burned the effigy
And someone above is blessing me
And I’m really hoping it’s your touch my OG
My Adonis smoking chronic
Your soul, my tonic

Her Poem

I loved you yesterday
At Least the thought of you
Physical transcendence of my emotional though process
Making connections with you was little like hopping through the rabbit hole
Wrapped tongues, vice grip
Burden upon my psyche
Lover’s embrace, a siren’s song
Piercing my heart, hickeys on my aorta
Loose clothing and pit patters of the heart
Nervous inhalations, intoxicating whispers
And seal my mouth before I utter another syllable
With the scarlet letter of your kiss
The cadence of our song
Tongues tied, close breath
Rasping beauty, reminded me of Billie Holliday
Quintessential voice of the ages
Harmonized to the tune of two lovers
Moaning, singing, melodic soprano of ecstasy
Upper reaches of the sky, scratching the heavens
With the high note soprano of our melody
Enrapturing eyes, almost sinister
Raptures in pupils, and scratches on my back
Time lapse between breath and skin
Lapsing into assimilated knowledge of time passed
Ages of men as lips locked
Empires fallen when tongues battled
Worlds discovered as hands explored
But even if the world ended
Wouldn’t Adam and Eve still live in eternity?
Can you not fathom
That when Atlas shrugged
And the world fell on my already burdened shoulders
Tears forming stars in the cosmos
That still reminded me of it reflected in your eyes
Because the pain
Nothing like the inflicted suffering
I caused on the incessant beating
Of your now cold heart
Do you not realize?
There are no nights anymore
That reflect the darkness enshrined and imprinted
In my heart and on my mind
Caused by the hand that touched your heart
And supple chest, gently
Then coarcted your love forever

Attempting to Write An Epic Poem, Is An “Epic” Undertaking

See what I did there in the title? Ok, not rally funny, I know. Anyway, onto more serious things. In the wake of my achievements in the contest I recently won, I decided something. I needed to create what I would consider a masterpiece poem. Well, aren’t all my poems masterpieces? Ha, I wish. Although I felt a couple came close, but I didn’t enter them into the contest, and I know for sure they could be improved. So as I sat listening to very deep music and playing video games, a wonderful idea dawned on me. Write an epic poem. What’s the topic? Well that dropped into my lap too, make it an allegory for death using greek mythology, specifically the god Thanatos and his family. Ok so that complete idea didn’t just pop up, but I did have it. I did some research first and realized this to be a truly “epic” challenge (see what I did th- yeah I’ll stop now). Since an epic poem is epic in size, there’s no way I could enter it into the contest next year without giving them a excerpt, which would probably take away from the masterpiece I’m trying to write. From my research a discovered I special type of Epic Poem which uses the same elements, but is shorter in length called an Epyllion. It’s usually used for love poems etc, but I’ll bend the rules a bit. By no means will this be the Illiad or Dante’s Inferno (or maybe the will), but it will be evident I put hard work into it when I finally release it. All this to say, wish me luck. Here’s the first few lines:

I was dragged under by Erebos

Then seduced into sleep by Hypnos

Delivered to the king of night, Nyx

Bought to the realm of death by Thanatos

It was a family affair of insanity

A killing joke with four jokers

Where common man in land of dreams

Witnesses the malignancy of four

Posses my hand, o muse

Sing to me Calliope as my celestial pen scripts this here epic

And Melphomene, this tragedy would be devoid of flair without your aid

Let your voices and talents synthesize

And allow my pen to sing

Of the man thrown to Thanatos and Hades

The references to Greek mythology etc may be too much for some, but when I release the full thing there will be a detailed explanation. The final product will most likely be very different but I like how it’s turning out so far. Wish me luck

-Deus

That Moment…

That moment when you feel really good, but really crappy at the same time. So, as not many of my followers(which I have barely any of) I’m still in High School and there’s this very prestigious contest called the Scholastic Art and Writing Awards. I entered two of my poems from the blog, “Battling My Demons” and “Talking to My Head” as well as a Personal Essay/Memoir that I wrote in class. When I entered the poems I was pretty confident, which was around maybe November. Then I grew as a writer and realize they weren’t terribly well written. Deadline rolled around and poems that were much better were sitting on my blog and I couldn’t enter them. I guess I was still hoping for Gold Key on both (highest recognition) but I wasn’t expecting it. Well, results were supposed to roll in on the 31st of January. I was extremely excited you know? Then, it got postponed. Until February 4th. What in the hell!? So I waited, not very patiently mind you. The time was posted as 4:00 pm for when the results would be revealed. And 4:00 rolled around today…nothing. I was nervous, frustrated, pissed, lots of stuff. So I had to wait, again. 6:00 the results are released only to find…I won. Gold Key. But not on what I expected. You guessed it, my essay got gold key and my poems got honorable mention; not even silver key. So despite my excitement, happiness, and pure relief, I was a bit disappointed. Nonetheless, there’s always next year and if anyone read this or anyone of my poems, thank you for always giving me positive feedback and love.

-Deus

P.S. – I’m posting the essay later tonight.

Kryptonite

Erupting from my pen is life

Which gave birth to myself

A being of ink

Dark as the crevice where my heart lies

Flowing from my pen is

Descriptive painted “things” that

Come into existence around me

Then one evening A lonely evening

From my pen came my masterpiece

Into existence

From my pen she came

Gracing my vision with beauty

Staring

I couldn’t help it

She was my perfect creation

A beautiful woman

She stayed with me

It could be assumed

That between us

We shared love

But everyday

A creeping feeling

Could I really call it love?

One afternoon I ask

“Can you smell the roses

Even though your lying in my poppy field

On a cliff by the sea?”

And her nose pressed by mine

We reached out together

Attempting to break the sky

For it was my cage you see

Restricting my thoughts

From seeing my own masterpiece

Seeds of doubt

And whispers of snakes

Sometimes speak louder than love

Because that fatal night

When I gazed at my pen

I questioned

“Did she ever really love me?”

Too late

With this pen

I wrote her away

My masterpiece

Tainted

Could only find its way

To the wastebasket

Namesake

I’m inappropriately named

After someone who should really

Give a damn about the world

Wanting to change its darkness

And the nature of my heart

When all I want to do

Is paint portraits of Dorian Grey

And roll in sunflower fields

On cliffs by the sea

How could I possibly help

Anyone in the world

But myself

Besides

Darkness is simply the absence of light

So I think it’ll come back eventually

Its just taking a sick day

Then it’ll peek from behind the clouds

And shake hands with the moon

Meanwhile I’ll swing on a swing

And escape to places only I know

With trouble on my mind

And disaster in my wake

Writing poetry to make angels cry

Liquid tears of forgiveness

As I run away

From the meaning of my name

And myself

Savior Suite (Decided to upload them together)

I. Savior I Always Needed

Heroes are forged by the blacksmiths of heaven

At least that’s where I think Hercules comes from

Me, born of mortal blood

Not climbing from the womb of my mother

Bought into the lackluster world that needed saving

By no means did Hercules convince me of Heroism

Normal, a standard a “normal” child looked to

Along with average

Taught like religion on old ripped tapestries

Stuck in the norm mindset

I was no ones savior

Flip this scene of innocence and normality

To a growing male child

Raging hormones and crazy testosterone

Mind on girls, school, books, poetry, music

A long list

Enter stage left my conflict

Or maybe the rising action

The fair lady tainted by slits on pristine wrist

Hidden from the world and surrounded by perfection

Name her Olympia

She was art

Drawn in her by her crimson river of love

Same color as the blood that dripped from her wrist

Romantic feelings bought me to her

I left with something else

When her wrists were sealed

By who she considered a hero

Hercules flamed inside me

Could I be the worlds savior

As I held Olympia’s wrist closed

And red stains on our painting together

Became beautiful and whole

Bringing Olympia close

To bring her from oil on canvas

Into my arms of protection

Whispering warm comfort

“It’s okay, even if no one else does, I care, I understand, I love you”.

 

II. Savior I Always Wanted or Fall of a Hero

Picture me now from painting to painting

Knight in shining armor

Or angel with one wing

suddenly the savior, Hercules

Or Arthur, sword drawn from the stone

Normality?

I scoffed at

Who am I now?

Friend of the people

I’ll save you damsels

From your burning paintings

Olympia simply was the warm up

Here from stage right

Comes a conflict of greater depth

The hero hath been reduced

To normality

Abruptly once again

Mortal blood in veins

Wondering from paintings

Into exhibition halls

Or locked cloisters

But foretold in prophecy

Heroes rise, correct?

Divine intervention

Enter a damsel again

Awakening the weakened hero

Only to find

the prophecy wrapped in falsehood

Could save no one

He can’t save anyone

Maiden with dagger pointed at chest

Biting her thumb at the world

She calls like a siren

Mortal hero acting as savior

Fails and falls

Deep into his own distress

Clasping the hands of the siren

Call her Venus

Questioning himself

And speaks to her

Words of attempted warm comfort

“I can help, I care”

With response

“Where is the savior I always wanted?”

Can’t I save anyone?

 

III. Movement III

There was never a hero

If anything, a tragic one

Removing the invisible crown that

Painted me

Wrote me in epics

And shut me down

This hero was no savior

He needs one himself

Why can’t I save anyone?

Because I can’t save myself

Mirrors reflect me

Hercules on one shoulder, Arthur on another

Both leave as knees buckled

My corpses sinks to the ground

Contemplating the story

Of the false savior

Who needed the saving

Movement Three of “Savior”

There was never a hero

If anything, a tragic one

Removing the invisible crown that

Painted me

Wrote me in epics

And shut me down

This hero was no savior

He needs one himself

Why can’t I save anyone?

Because I can’t save myself

Mirrors reflect me

Hercules on one shoulder, Arthur on another

Both leave as knees buckled

My corpses sinks to the ground

Contemplating the story

Of the false savior

Who needed the saving

(If you don’t understand the poem, it’s meant to stand alone but may be understood better after reading the other two poems of my “Savior” suite found on my blog)

Savior I Always Wanted or Fall of a Hero

Picture me now from painting to painting

Knight in shining armor

Or angel with one wing

suddenly the savior, Hercules

Or Arthur, sword drawn from the stone

Normality?

I scoffed at

Who am I now?

Friend of the people

I’ll save you damsels

From your burning paintings

Olympia simply was the warm up

Here from stage right

Comes a conflict of greater depth

The hero hath been reduced

To normality

Abruptly once again

Mortal blood in veins

Wondering from paintings

Into exhibition halls

Or locked cloisters

But foretold in prophecy

Heroes rise, correct?

Divine intervention

Enter a damsel again

Awakening the weakened hero

Only to find

the prophecy wrapped in falsehood

Could save no one

He can’t save anyone

Maiden with dagger pointed at chest

Biting her thumb at the world

She calls like a siren

Mortal hero acting as savior

Fails and falls

Deep into his own distress

Clasping the hands of the siren

Call her Venus

Questioning himself

And speaks to her

Words of attempted warm comfort

“I can help, I care”

With response

“Where is the savior I always wanted?”

Can’t I save anyone?

(Part two of a poem “suite”. Part one is called “Savior I always needed” and can be found on my blog)

Savior I Always Needed

Heroes are forged by the blacksmiths of heaven

At least that’s where I think Hercules comes from

Me, born of mortal blood

Not climbing from the womb of my mother

Bought into the lackluster world that needed saving

By no means did Hercules convince me of Heroism

Normal, a standard a “normal” child looked to

Along with average

Taught like religion on old ripped tapestries

Stuck in the norm mindset

I was no ones savior

Flip this scene of innocence and normality

To a growing male child

Raging hormones and crazy testosterone

Mind on girls, school, books, poetry, music

A long list

Enter stage left my conflict

Or maybe the rising action

The fair lady tainted by slits on pristine wrist

Hidden from the world and surrounded by perfection

Name her Olympia

She was art

Drawn in her by her crimson river of love

Same color as the blood that dripped from her wrist

Romantic feelings bought me to her

I left with something else

When her wrists were sealed

By who she considered a hero

Hercules flamed inside me

Could I be the worlds savior

As I held Olympia’s wrist closed

And red stains on our painting together

Became beautiful and whole

Bringing Olympia close

To bring her from oil on canvas

Into my arms of protection

Whispering warm comfort

“It’s okay, even if no one else does, I care, I understand, I love you”.